What It Really Means to Love Yourself

Self love is probably the most talked about concept in wellness — and simultaneously one of the most misunderstood. On social media it tends to look like affirmations, bubble baths and telling yourself you are enough. And while none of those things are bad, they do not capture what self love actually is at its most meaningful. Self love, genuinely practiced, is not a feeling you generate about yourself. It is a way of treating yourself — consistently, over time, through both the good and difficult moments.

What Self Love Is Not

Self love is not self esteem, which fluctuates with achievement and comparison. It is not narcissism, which is actually a defence against deep self rejection rather than an expression of genuine self regard. It is not the absence of self awareness or the refusal to acknowledge your flaws. And it is not something you either have or do not have — it is a practice that develops through deliberate attention and often through therapeutic work.

What It Actually Looks Like

Self love looks like making decisions from a place of care for yourself rather than fear of others' disapproval. It looks like setting limits with people who consistently treat you poorly — not out of anger but out of a clear sense that you deserve better. It looks like being honest with yourself about what you need rather than dismissing your needs as too much trouble. It looks like making the appointment, having the conversation, asking for the support, taking the rest — not because you have earned it but because you matter enough to receive it.

Perhaps most importantly, self love looks like treating yourself with the same gentleness you would extend to someone you deeply care about. Particularly in moments of failure or difficulty — not harsh judgment and punishment but acknowledgment and care.

Why It Is Hard

For most people who struggle with self love the core issue is a belief — often deeply embedded and largely unconscious — that they are not quite worthy of the love they would readily give to others. This belief was formed in relationship and it heals in relationship — with a therapist, with safe people in your life, and gradually, with yourself.

If you are ready to begin doing that work, book a free 15 minute consultation — online sessions available Australia-wide.