What Is Your Inner Critic and How Do You Quiet It?

You make a small mistake, and a voice in your head says, you are so stupid. You get praised, and the voice says, they just do not know the real you. It is exhausting to live with a commentator who never gives you a break.

That voice is your inner critic. It can feel like the truth, but it is not. Let us look at where it comes from and how to loosen its grip.

What is the inner critic?

The inner critic is the internal voice that judges, blames and compares. For many people it sounds like a parent, a teacher, or someone from their past. Often it is made up of messages absorbed in childhood: be perfect, do not make a fuss, do not be too much.

Why do we have one?

This may surprise you, but your inner critic is usually trying to protect you. As a child, if criticism came from others, it may have felt safer to criticise yourself first. If you were hard on yourself, perhaps you could avoid being hurt, rejected or shamed. The strategy made sense then. It just costs a lot now.

I know this well. Growing up in a home carrying heavy pain, I learned that being flawless meant being safe. Unlearning that voice has been one of the most important parts of my own healing.

Signs your inner critic is running the show

• You replay mistakes long after they happen
• You find it hard to accept compliments
• You compare yourself to others and always come up short
• You put off things for fear of not doing them perfectly
• You talk to yourself in ways you would never speak to a friend

How to quiet it

1. Notice it and name it

When you hear the harsh voice, try saying, there is my inner critic again. You are not the voice. You are the person listening to it.

2. Get curious about its job

Ask: What is this voice trying to protect me from? Often there is fear underneath it, such as fear of failing, being rejected or being judged.

3. Respond like a wise friend

Imagine a close friend told you the same thing about themselves. What would you say? Try saying that to yourself. It might feel awkward at first. That is normal.

4. Separate facts from feelings

I feel stupid is not the same as I am stupid. Ask yourself, what are the facts here? What would I tell someone else in this situation?

5. Reconnect with the younger you

Many inner critics began when we were small. Imagine the child who first heard those messages, and offer them what they needed to hear: you are safe, you are loved, you are doing your best. If this resonates, you may like how to heal your inner child without it feeling weird.

6. Practise self-compassion daily

Kindness towards yourself is a skill that builds with repetition. Start with one kind sentence a day. You can also read how to stop being so hard on yourself.

When the critic feels too loud

If your inner critic is tied to deep shame, past experiences or anxiety that does not ease, you do not have to fight it alone. Hypnotherapy and psychotherapy can help you gently change the way you relate to yourself at a deeper level.

Let us talk

I offer a free 15-minute online consultation if you would like to talk about what your inner critic has been saying. Book your free chat here.

This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional advice. If you are in crisis, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or emergency services on 000.